Lately I have been using the word “need” completely wrong and way too much. I know this because Zach has been reminding me every time I say it to replace “need” with “want.” Come to think of it, I probably have been using “want” a little too often as well.
You see, if you would have told me a year ago everything that has happened since then – a move to a bigger home in a new town we love, a cookbook deal, a weekly spot on Channel 4, over 1,000 views a day on my website – I would have been ecstatic!
“Man if all that happens, I’ll be set, no more worries then I’ll be on my way.”
Well here I sit, that has all happened and guess what? I spend much of my time wanting more, wondering why I haven’t had another big break in the past few months. I’m praying God “give me…” while I am pretty sure He is saying,
“April just look around you. You thank me and then move quickly to everything you need from me, as if you have made all of this happen on your own. I know the plans, I know the desires of your heart, and they do not lie in “things” or recognition, they lie in my kingdom purposes for you.” Reality check -I don’t even really know what I need, He does, He always has.
Now, obviously I don’t want to just sit around and become stagnant, not digging and searching for new opportunities. However, to be discontent with where He has me, and upset every time I get a “No” wondering why things aren’t happening faster – that’s a joy stealer.
Sometimes it seems like my whole life has been one big waiting game. Well once I turn 16, once I get to college, once I get married, once we get X amount of money in the bank, once I get to this size, once I get that book deal, and well, you get the point.
God has definitely been teaching me this year to stop wishing my life away, not that I’ve been a really great student for this lesson, but I’m beginning to recognize this pattern. I have so much to be thankful for, like a crazy amount of things, so this year I am going to start spending more time reflecting on those things. Savoring these moments, intentionally thanking God for them without rushing to the next thing I “need.”
I don’t want to be so busy looking ahead that I can’t see the blessings surrounding me. This pattern of “more, more, more” is just a thief of joy. And I want Joy.
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